Take A Leap with Jessica Coulthard

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Reading instead of Listening (Transcript) 

FYI: this text is not polished, I try to keep it as close as possible to how the guest expressed herself/himself . Also, the time stamps start when the interview start without the intro where I introduce my guest. 

Conny Graf
Welcome to my podcast. Jessica. I'm so excited to have you.

Jessica Coulthard
Thank you. Yeah, I'm really excited to be here too. I've had my own podcast for a while. But I'm only just recently starting to put myself out there to be a guest. So this is super fun for me. So thank you for having me.

Conny Graf
Yeah. So how long do you have your podcast already?

Jessica Coulthard
I launched it on January 8 of 2020. So I celebrated six months on July 8, and yeah, I'm still going full steam ahead. I love it.

Conny Graf
Yeah. So you're just ahead of me, because I launched mine end of February 2020. So ...

Jessica Coulthard
Oh, cool. Congratulations, it's fun, isn't it?

Conny Graf
Yeah, it is fun. And I dragged my feet for two years. So wasn't taking the leap for two years.

Jessica Coulthard
Oh, I'm a leaper. You'll learn that real quick as soon as we start talking

Conny Graf
Yeah so let's talk a little bit about you first, why don't you introduce yourself and tell my audience a bit about you before we jump into the topic?

Jessica Coulthard
Sure. So my name is Jessica Coulthard. I have a coaching company called justa girl like me coaching. I have been at it for about four and a half years now. And I as we said already, I launched my podcast in the beginning of this year. And for me, like if you were to go back and ask somebody that I went to high school with, or even somebody that I worked with, say 10 years ago, hey, do you think Jessica would ever have a podcast or be a coach? They'd be like, No, she barely speaks. What are you talking about? And it's no, it's so funny. I've changed so much. And I really think it has a lot to do with finding my passion. And once I found that, it's like everything just cleared out of the way and the path kind of became visible for me. And it's just been a really incredible journey. So I love to be able to share my story, I love to be able to get on stage. And you know, just try to inspire other people to, you know, take that, that leap of faith, and just be excited about what's on the other side of all those possibilities. So that's just me in a tiny little nutshell.

Conny Graf
It sounds really interesting. So, so how long ago did you change, and what happened that you changed? Like, was it sudden, or was it kind of sneaking up on you.

Jessica Coulthard
I think I probably was sneaking up on me a little bit. But I didn't realize it until I had a moment. So I can tell you the exact day it was December 31 2015, New Year's Eve, I was at home and I was creating my new year's resolution list. But I had a moment while I was doing this where I realized that it was the same list as the year before and the year before and probably 20 years before that. And I just hadn't been getting anywhere, right? Like we all know what we want, or most of us do. But it's that how to actually take that next step that had eluded me for years. And when that happened, we all have this voice inside our head that, you know either gets us an excuse for why we're not doing something or there's a negative because we don't believe we can or whatever. And in that moment, what I heard was, you're a struggling single mom. And that was sort of the excuse that I had created 15 years before when my husband and I split up that I had been using to not have to try to do anything. And in that moment, I realized that I actually had a really good job, and I wasn't struggling, and my son hadn't even been living with me for six months, because he was 19 or whatever at the time. And he wanted to go live with his dad. So my excuse didn't even hold up anymore. And it was a really like aha moment for me. And if anybody's ever experienced this, it can be really like earth shaking. It's one of those moments where you're like, Oh, no, what do I do now? The excuse that I've been using to hold myself back in my life doesn't even hold up anymore. So now you have a choice. It's like, do you create a new excuse? Or do you do something about it? And so it was that moment where I went, well, I don't want another excuse. I want to actually do something about it. And so for me, it was just a matter of going out and using the tools that we have, like we have technology and you know, anything that you want to know is at our fingertips. Most of us have smartphones. And so I started Googling, how to take action, how to actually accomplish things and like this whole world of personal development just opened up in front of me. And I loved it so much that I didn't want to just keep it to myself. I wanted to be able to share it. And so that was where the idea of actually becoming a coach and sharing what I was learning came to light became my story I guess, and I've just been working towards that ever since I've taking courses and I got my coaching certification. I've done my NLP practitioner and I've just been, you know, going through my life and kind of clearing out all the things that have been holding me back. And it's been pretty amazing.

Conny Graf
It sounds like it because you're just beaming when you're talking about, you're so passionate about it can't even imagine that you were somebody who wouldn't talk. So how long....like how long did it take from this aha moment, or I call it the epiphany. that's one of my favorite words: Epiphany. I heard it the first time in Love Actually, the movie Love Actually, and I love that word. And so how long between that 31st of December 2015 and you actually, um, let's say seeing traction or seeing a results? Because like, it's one thing to make up our mind and say, okay, want to change something, and it's another to actually really doing something, especially if we haven't done anything in a while.

Jessica Coulthard
Yeah, absolutely. I think it was about two weeks, to be honest. I started to look around at some of my friends, and I just thought, Hey, who would be interested in creating like an accountability group or a workshop where I can teach you guys some of this amazing stuff that I'm learning. And I had a lady that I work with, say, Yeah, I'd love to invite some friends over. And I wasn't going to charge them. Like, I wanted to just get my feet wet, and just, you know, see if some of these things that I had been learning would actually help other people. And so we created a little weekly workshop, and I led the workshop. So within two weeks, I was already putting myself out there.

Conny Graf
That's awesome, and and now you say you're on a mission to inspire people to leap. So I would say like two weeks, that's definitely leaping. Did you want to define leaping a little bit? And then tell me or us how you inspire people to leap?

Jessica Coulthard
Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, once I started that, I realized that I needed to, I mean, friends and family are only gonna support you for so long, right? So you need to put yourself out there. And so then the first thing I did was I joined a program and I taught myself how to create a website. And I learned all about how to do that, so that I could promote myself as a coach. So, you know, I didn't really wait around very long, I thought, Okay, I got to get moving, I got to do something. So for me, leaping doesn't have to be this massive risk, you know, quitting your job and starting something new with no money. And I don't mean, those kind of leaps, right? I mean, taking action, and it can be something small, as long as you're moving forward, right? And what might seem small to me might seem big to somebody else. Right? It just depends on what your background is, and what you've the belief that you actually have in what you think you're capable of. So I mean, I never tried to push anybody to do anything that isn't just slightly out of their comfort zone. Because then they're not gonna stay there for long, right. But since then, I've also started to really notice that one of my favorite things to say is, when you take that first, yes, what happens quite often is, it's like all these doors open up for you that you couldn't have seen had you not said that first Yes. Right, we can't always see what's available to us, we quite often can see what we might lose by taking a risk or leaping towards something. Because we think of well, you know, our friends are going to think we're crazy, or, you know, that's going to take a lot of time, or I don't know how to do that. And how am I going to learn that or that might cost me a lot of money. But you don't necessarily see all the positives, that on the other side of taking that first step. And that's one of the things that's probably my biggest message that I want to really let people hear is that you don't even realize the amazing, that's on the other side of just taking that first step. But you can't see it until you take the step. And too often I think people get, I don't know, they let fear hold them back fear of the unknown fear of the what ifs or, you know, and I always say, what's the worst that could happen? Really, if you think about it, you know, it isn't going to cost you your life. Right? It's most times not most of the time. I mean, you have to be smart about it. But yeah, like and it's so for me, it's always just take that next step. What's the worst that can happen? Come on, let's do it. I'll hold your hand. Right. But yeah, and so then last year, it was February of last year, I was looking at an Instagram post. And some people listening may or may not know, but this gentleman's name was Grant Cardone, he's a big real estate guru guy. And he had this photo on Instagram and The top part was him, the image was taken from behind, he was on stage in front of we'll say about 1000 people. And it said 2017. And then below that he had this exact same angle. So taken from behind, he's on stage, and now in front of an entire arena, and it said, 2019, the first thing that came to my mind was, I better start now. And the next day, I made the decision that I wanted to host a women's conference. And so I put it out onto Facebook. And then I started wrangling up all my friends that I knew would be amazing speakers, I found somebody to help me co host it. And I just started taking those steps. But when you get that feeling of inspiration to do something, I think when you act on it, before you have too much time to really talk yourself out of it is something that I think is really important, because I think it's Mel Robbins, she talks about that emergency brake, you have five seconds to make a decision before you pull the emergency brake, right. And so I think, yeah, and so and I really believe it. Because if we sit on an idea, no matter what it is, for too long, that pattern of negative thinking, or the reasons that we haven't done anything about ideas will kick in, and it'll hold us back. So I really believe in leaping, because you can learn anything, you can figure anything out once you've set that that train in motion, right?

Conny Graf
Yeah, you know, I totally agree, and still, I have to fight this too, because, like you said, it's stepping out of your comfort zone. And the good thing about the comfort zone, it's comfortable. And when you leap, that means you have to get out of your comfort zone, which is scary. So it's exactly right, you have to act fast, and...

Jessica Coulthard
yeah and commit to it,

Conny Graf
....kind of like trick yourself to not notice that you're kind of like outside of your comfort zone. And then might as well continue on since you are already outside of it.

Jessica Coulthard
Exactly. So like for me, like when I made the decision that I wanted to be a coach within two weeks, I was like telling people, right, I was inviting them in. And the same thing with the conference. Like as soon as I saw it, the next day, I put it out onto Facebook, you know, so taking that step for me, is a way to hold myself accountable is to be public about it. Like invite other people in to your dream, invite people into your decision, because that makes it a little bit harder to back out of it.

Conny Graf
Yeah, but it also makes it scarier, doesn't it?

Jessica Coulthard
Well, not for me anymore. See, I've learned to like what they call the edge of my comfort zone. I actually enjoy getting close to the edge of my comfort zone now.

Conny Graf
Yeah, I can totally see that. So I'm not constantly sitting in my comfort zone at all. But I noticed for myself that if I sit too long and don't challenge myself to at least put my pinky or my toe out of it, then it becomes harder and harder. So I can totally see that when you are doing it more often that it becomes less scary. And you're becoming used to being uncomfortable, kind of.

Jessica Coulthard
Yes, absolutely. And I mean, uncomfortable doesn't have to be scary uncomfortable. It can just be a little bit, huh. I don't know, oh my god like this, but I'm gonna do it anyways. Right?

Conny Graf
Yeah, well, we've scary I mean, like me starting my podcast was already a little bit scary, too. I don't know. Probably not so much for you, because you were already on your mission. But for me, it was kind of... I did all kinds of other stuff before with which I had no problem, but for some reason, the podcast, I don't know why. And now that I'm doing it, I'm like, why was I even scared of it? I don't know. So it's really have to push ourselves. Yeah.

Jessica Coulthard
Yeah. And I mean, sometimes what you need is just somebody to give you that little shove over the edge, too. Right. I refer to it as the transfer of belief. So one of the reasons that I love Well, one of the reasons that I started the women's conference was because I wanted to be able to share people's stories of, you know, struggles, and then how they overcame them. Because I love to inspire other people. And so those stories can be sometimes what pushes someone over the edge, because when somebody can see a little bit of themselves in you when you share your story and that you were able to overcome it. I feel like that's where that transfer of belief it's like well, I can see a little bit of it in her and so she can do that or he do that well, then maybe I can do at least a little bit of this. And so that's one of the reasons that I love my podcast is because I do the same thing. But now I just do it with entrepreneurs. And I always ask them to share what I call their birth story, which is how they became the entrepreneur that they are, because that's where that little bit of transfer of belief, can, they can find that and that's the little gold nugget that they can take to then take that leap that they need to be. You know, maybe they've been like you maybe they held off for a while before they finally did it. So I asked you a question. When and what was it that made you finally decide to start it this past February?

Conny Graf
Well, it was also when I did the resolutions for 2020. Although I've actually don't call them resolutions, I just call them goals, because the resolutions, kind of like most people drop their resolutions before January is even over. So I was doing the goals for 2020. and I define a word for the year, how do I want to be? Or how do I want to feel in the year in the coming year. And so the word was courageous. And and so it kind of just came to me that Oh, my word is courageous, then, what am I waiting on on this podcast? And then I knew to like what you were saying about leaping, and you have to act fast. So what I did, I didn't want to just put out a podcast overnight. But I gave myself a deadline, right there and then. And my birthday is beginning of March so I said, by my birthday, I have a podcast with at least five episodes out. Period. I didn't give me a lot of time, that was kind of like my leap into 2020.

Jessica Coulthard
Beautiful, I love it. I love it. And you know, just by identifying your word, it made you now take a look. And now you had to live into that word, right? It's like you created identity for yourself for 2020. And now you had to live into it. I love that.

Conny Graf
Yeah. And and it's literally like, sometimes you just have to, like you say just sometimes you just have to leap. And I mean, I it was also one of the things that was also funny is like I took Pat Flynn has a free ecourse on how to start a podcast. And I think I was on his webinar three times. And I realized it. When I did my goal for 2020, I realized that I have three different notes in Evernote about how to start a podcast from a webinar from Pat Flynn. I'm like, Oh, I was three time on that webinar, I know enough how to start a podcast. You know, that's the other thing we always think like we don't know enough, instead of just starting with how much we know and then learn the rest on the go.

Jessica Coulthard
Yeah, and I can say that I had a little bit of that with my coaching. Because I felt like Well, I have to get certified, and I have to do this, and I'm an also a knowledge junkie. So I was a little bit hesitant to really put myself out there with my coaching. I could admit, even though I started within those first two weeks, but then what I think what I did was I kind of, well, now I need to learn how to build a website. Now I need to learn how to do this, and this and this and, and I did kind of.... I was always taking steps forward, but putting myself out there and really saying,"Okay, everybody pay attention. I'm a coach now", that one took a little bit more courage that was definitely me, way outside my comfort zone. And I know a lot of times people can get stuck in the "well, I don't know enough yet. I need to learn more, I need to perfect this first". And so I understand what that feels like because I definitely had a little bit of that when I really fully threw myself out to the world as a coach.

Conny Graf
Yeah, I think that comes from our upbringing a little bit. Because we go to school to learn something and then we get some kind of like, we either graduate or we get a degree or whatever. And then kind of we're led out into the world, and so we always feel like we have to complete the learning before we can actually go out which is which is actually not necessarily true. At least not in today's world. So much you can figure out on the fly, probably not necessarily being a surgeon or a pilot flying a rocket or an airplane. All kinds of other stuff. You can just figure out on the fly.

Jessica Coulthard
Yeah absolutely. And I mean, I'm not afraid to fail anymore either. So you know, that helps a lot. And again, because we're not doing surgery failure isn't life threatening in most cases. So, you know, I've tried a lot of different things like I've really put myself out there, I've launched courses that, you know, saw crickets, like I've really put myself out a lot of times, but it doesn't actually stop me. In fact, it actually helps to make it less scary when the next idea comes up.

Conny Graf
So what I'm wondering is, me with my podcast.... I wasn't scared necessarily, like scared is such a strong word. But I was most uncomfortable telling my friends about the podcast, not so much to strangers. Did you have a similar experience like when you talked about coaching? Was it easier to tell your friends and family or coach now or easier to strangers?

Jessica Coulthard
I think probably slightly strangers. Like, my immediate family and friends, yeah, that one was actually more difficult because I find that... how do I explain this for myself? When I started to grow and change, the people that were closest to me, weren't necessarily growing and changing with me. So they didn't understand. They, you know, I even had one who I thought was a really good friend say to me, why should anyone listen to you? Whoa, like, really? Because I've been studying for the last two years straight, like, it's like putting myself through university but yet.... you know, so those people closest to us, they don't see it. They don't quite understand and bless their hearts, they're trying to protect us, right? Yeah. So honestly, I think strangers, it's actually an easier place to be able to put myself out there because they don't have that same judgment. They don't have that same way of looking at us as you know, when you introduce yourself to somebody completely new they have nothing to go by other than what you're showing them right here. And right now.

Conny Graf
Yeah, exactly, it's the same for me. So I remember when I had to tell one of my best friends that I have a podcast. Like, can I really tell her? So much fun? So one other thing that you're talking about a lot that when we met, was that you have joy as your measure now for success? I would love you to talk a little bit about that. Because so many people do stuff that doesn't bring them joy, for whatever reason, and I love it when you say joy is your measure for success?

Jessica Coulthard
Yeah, so like I mentioned earlier, I did take my NLP practitioner training. So neuro linguistic programming for anybody who doesn't know what that is. And one of the techniques that we learned is called a values elicitation. And it's just an exercise where you take a specific goal, or area of your life, and you can dive down deeper into the why, of what you want from it, beyond the monetary, or the external kind of success, and you do it just by asking a series of questions. Like literally almost over and over and over the same question over, why is this important to me? And you just keep asking over and over and over. And every time you get an answer, you then dive into that answer, and then you answer that you dive into that answer. And what came up for me when I started talking about my business, was that the whole reason that I was doing any of it was for joy, and freedom. Those were the two values that came up for me. And so one of the other parts of this is, then you're able to see that "I don't have to wait to feel joy, which means I don't have to wait to feel successful. I can find joy in a single moment like you and I having this conversation right now brings me joy". And so in this moment, I can feel successful. I don't need there to be a check going into my bank account to feel successful. The fact that you and I get to have this amazing conversation and share you know, your vision and my vision to who knows how many people that brings me so much joy, like I getting tingles thinking about it. And so when I started to realize that that's the whole reason why I wanted to have a business the whole reason that I want to help people is because it brings me so much joy. It allowed me to use that as a filter. So anytime somebody asks me to do something, or an opportunity comes my way, when I stop and think about it, will that bring me joy? The decision is easy to make. If the answer is no, then it isn't going to happen. Because the whole reason for me doing what I do is to bring myself joy. And once I understood that it made everything in my life so much easier. And the beautiful thing about is that now that I'm chasing the joy, the opportunities and the money are starting to come. But I'm not chasing those. I'm chasing the joy. Does that make sense?

Conny Graf
Yeah, it makes totally sense. And I'm pretty sure ....so they always talk about what we regret once we are on our deathbed, and most people feel like they they did too much that they actually didn't want to do or ran too much after the money. And I feel like you would never say oh, my God, I wish I wouldn't have seeked so much joy.

Jessica Coulthard
Yeah, I don't think so.

Conny Graf
I think it sure creates a more happy life, even though you're not striving for happier striving for joy, but it's it's like, more satisfying life too, with or without money.

Jessica Coulthard
Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, money is great. Like, don't get me wrong. I mean, we all want to be paid for our value. Right? Of course, we want to eat we need a house to live in, we need to have a car to drive, you know. So I mean, money is important. But like I was saying is that the more that I just started to focus on what brought me joy, I've had so many really cool opportunities come to me that I never could have seen, never would have even considered looking for. And I truly believe it's because I'm bringing that joy, like, you know, one of the one of the opportunities that's just come to me recently is through my podcast. It was a guest that I had on, and he just enjoyed being on it so much that he had this idea that he'd been mulling around with for a while, but hadn't found the right person to do it with him until he was on my podcast. And he's like, now I found the right person. And I believe it was because I enjoy doing the podcast so much that that interaction that him and I had, you know, my joy, he felt it now, do you know what I mean? Like we just gelled, and had I called him up and said, Hey, I want to do some work with you. What can we do? Like I don't believe that that same opportunity would have been there?

Conny Graf
Yeah, no, I agree with you. I think you both were on the on top of a wave and kind of met each other up there, which is much easier than when you're trying to come from from below. I don't know if that makes sense to you

Jessica Coulthard
I love that thought both on top of a wave. I love that analogy.

Conny Graf
Yeah. Because you both enjoyed yourself in this conversation, so you created something out of it, instead of kind of pushing or trying hard to do something. It just came. So yeah, I don't know. I can just see that wave

Jessica Coulthard
I love that analogy. I might have to just steal that a little bit.

Conny Graf
You'll steal that all you want

Jessica Coulthard
Thank you. Yeah, so even my podcasts like I'm not sure if I shared this with you when we were speaking before. But I had been transitioning my business beginning of this year towards working specifically with entrepreneurs. And so one of the things that I wanted to do is, I believe in modeling, we model success. We don't have to recreate the wheel, right, we find somebody who has already done what we want, and we learn what made them successful. So I put a post out onto Facebook, asking to interview successful entrepreneurs because I basically wanted to backwards engineer a program that I could use to teach in my coaching. And I thought instead of creating something and trying to sell it, I would find out what people already wanted to buy, and then create that. And in doing that I had all these people say yeah, absolutely. I would love to talk to you. But What's this for? Is this for a podcast? Well, that wasn't the plan. I had no intention of starting a podcast. But I had so many people say that to me that I thought hey, you know what I think it is. And so that was my big leap this year. was when somebody put that idea out there I thought yeah, you know what I think this is for a podcast and you know, here we are six months, eight months, whatever it is later and you know who could have seen that coming. I had no idea.

Conny Graf
Yeah. it's so funny because you cannot ever foresee what all happens because like you said, when you do the first yes or when you say the first Yes, then all kinds of opportunities open. And I didn't foresee either that I would have so much fun on my own podcast so and what what all happens because of the podcast. And so this is I love your message about just leap even if it's just a tiny bit and and see what happens. It's so awesome. And also listening, I feel like you listen so people were asking you oh is this for a podcast and you could have just insisted on saying no, no, it's not for a podcast. But no, you listened and you felt Oh, I guess that's where I'll have to leap to or leap into, you know,

Jessica Coulthard
Oh, absolutely. I believe very much in the universe. And I believe that the that, you know, it is guiding me where I'm supposed to go, the more open that I am to the possibilities, and the more that you just start to listen, like you say you I listened, right? I believe in inspired action, I believe in intuition. And too often people let fear get in between them and those amazing opportunities. And you know it, I feel bad for them. Right? When really all they need is they just need somebody like I was talking earlier, the little bit of transfer of belief, they can have somebody that they can even if they have to just say, hey, Conny, what do you think of this idea, and somebody to just bounce it off of who's on their side and can say, you know what, just do it. I'm here for you. let's just do this. You've got this, you know, sometimes we just need that other person's little bit of belief in us, even if we can't see it. So reaching out to somebody when you maybe you're a little bit scared. It's okay, you know, and let somebody else's belief get you started.

Conny Graf
Yeah, totally, if you don't find it in yourself, find somebody that helps you.

Jessica Coulthard
Yeah, absolutely.

Conny Graf
Yeah. So tell my audience a little bit where they can find you where they can find your podcasts if they want to come and check you out, which I'm sure they want to after hearing all this

Jessica Coulthard
Thanks. So my podcast is on all of the typical places. It's on Apple, Spotify, Google, I host it on anchor, so that's where you can find it as well. It's called ignited entrepreneurs. As far as I do have a website. It's called www.Justagirllikeme.com. Also, I have a Facebook group, so you can find me on Facebook. My page is just a girl like me coaching. And I also have @ignitedentrepreneurs on Instagram, @justaigirllikeme too on Instagram, and you can Google my name and find me. I'm on YouTube, I've had a few people put me on their YouTube channel. So I'm there as well. So you can just Google my name and you can pretty much find me everywhere.

Conny Graf
Awesome. I will also put the links that you mentioned here in the show notes so people can click on it and find you. Do you have any last words of wisdom or anything I didn't ask you that needs to come out into the open?

Jessica Coulthard
I mean, honestly, just you know, I think one of the things that I'd really like to mention before we say goodbye, that I haven't said yet is, I believe that you find what you look for. Right? So If you are afraid and you're kind of in that spiral of I want to but I can't I want to but I can't and you just kind of keep spinning. spinning your wheels, if you open yourself up for the possibilities and start looking for those, as opposed to the reasons why you can't. So there's a part of our brain it's called the reticular activating system or RAS for short. And it's that thing that when you decide you want something, then you start seeing it everywhere. So like you buy a new car, all of a sudden you start seeing that car everywhere, or for the listeners who have maybe been pregnant once you become pregnant all the sudden you start seeing pregnant people everywhere. That is the RAS. And the reason it works is because our brain can only filter so much into our conscious. So what you need to do is: If you want something in your life, you have to first tell your brain that you want it, be vocal. about it talk about it a lot, and then be open to it. And when the universe presents it to you, you know what I'm going to say you got to leap for it. But first do what Conny says is you need to set those goals. So you know what it is that you want and then be open to it. So that would be my final words.

Conny Graf
Wonderful. I love it and we both are proof that leaping can be fun and bring a lot of joy.

Jessica Coulthard
Yes and new people and fun people into our lives.

Conny Graf
Lots of interesting things come out of leaping.

Jessica Coulthard
absolutely. Go find something to leap towards people. You'll love it.

Conny Graf
Well, it was really fun to have you on a podcast Jessica. So awesome. We've inspired everybody to leap. I hope everybody from listening to this and leaps now into something.

Conny Graf
Thanks so much, Jessica.

Jessica Coulthard
Oh, thank you. I had an amazing time chatting with you. Thank you so much for inviting me.

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